30-Sep-2014, 10:04 AM
Last night, I dreamed I was out and about in Longview (On 259 headed north, for those of you who know), when I suddenly saw what looked like a white stag checking me out from a forest. Of *course* I had to stop and check it out, so I parked and headed off into the trees, hopping over the fence and finding myself in what almost seemed an intentional construction, a little tunnel through the underbrush about five feet around. I hunched over and made my way down it slowly, even more curious now, and suddenly found myself in a small clearing with my mother, youngest sister, and two odd figures who appeared at first glance to be Dothraki.
I was like "Ummm...............................................k" as were my family members, who had just magically walked through a door and appeared there, they told me. The Dothraki said "I'm sure you're wondering why we called you here" and Lucy was like "Well that's what I just said..." and they ignored her.
"We are elves, disguising ourselves while in your world as people constantly cosplaying Dothraki. Everyone is too busy looking at our costumes to notice our faces, pointy ears, or impeccable complexions." I asked "Why not just wear hats to cover the ears and be a panhandler, nobody looks them in the eye" and they temporarily appeared chagrined that they'd not thought of that.
After regaining their composure, they said "We have historically been in charge of caring for three important artifacts, and have come to the realization that we are no longer sufficient. However, you three show potential far beyond that of normal humanity, and we are going to bequeath you with the responsibility, the privilege, of guarding the artifacts of Alfenheim."
They handed over gold trimmed dark wood knitting needles to my mother, telling her "with these, you can knit changes into the fabric of reality. Their power is great, but of all the artifacts they take the most skill to unlock." My mother concentrated, pulling at the air into the needles as they glowed, and the forest around us warped for a moment, the dead leaves we stood on turning into soft green grass.
Next, they handed Lucy a lute; as soon as it was in her hand, it turned to a guitar that looked like it had been made from a particularly gnarly tree trunk, then polished and (again) inlaid with gold. "This instrument shapes itself to befit the wielder, and gives you power over the minds of men. Armies have killed and died for the wielder of this instrument. Of all the artifacts, this is the most sought after, for its obvious benefits to kings and beggars alike."
They turned to me, and handed me a wand, a foot and a half long and obviously made from a branch from the same wood as the needles/guitar, with a golden spiral up it. "This wand will grant you great magical combat skills. Its limits are defined only by what your will and belief. Of all the artifacts, this is perhaps the most dangerous, as it is fueled by the life force of the deadliest foe the elves ever had to conquer. If it falls into the wrong hands, the other artifacts are as good as gone." I looked around, saw a large rock, and with a flick of the wrist and slight mental exertion I threw the rock high into the air.
We all thanked the elves profusely for their trust in us, and swore to protect our artifacts and use them only to make the world a better place. I got a call on my cellphone then, and I answered it curiously; it turned out to be a government agent who worked for their "S.P.R.A" (Supernatural and Paranormal Relations Agency), asking for an official statement from myself as one of the new Warriors of Alfenheim. I said, "Sir, I've always sort of thought that there was was more to this world than met the eye. I'd walk down a dark alley and expect to see a dragon, I'd peer in the shadows of an undisturbed forest for an elf, I'd wake up in the night wondering if that was a ghost I'd heard. Today changes nothing; I always knew this existed, I'd just never encountered it. To summarize? I do believe in fairies, I do, I do!" and hung up.
The elves nodded their approval of my speech, and said "Oh, and one more thing. As Warriors of Alfenheim, you will need to be able to travel more easily. Your vehicles have always had greater potential; with your artifacts, they can now assume their true forms. The Dragon King and Kraken await your call." Lucy was all "but...I don't have a car " and the elves just sort of grinned. "Your mount will come, and I guarantee you it will be to your liking."
Suddenly, from off scene, a large black minotaur burst into the forest! It bellowed its challenge to the sky, and I gripped my wand tighter as I charged at it. It snorted and ran at me, everyone getting out of the way as we charged to close the 50 feet between us. I called upon the wands power, muscles bulging as I suddenly bulked up right before impact, leaping to uppercut the minotaur and knocking it flat on its back. It was down but not out, and got to its feet shaking its head a little before coming back at me. (bro.)
Testing the wand, I used it to grant me speed, dashing back through the woods the way I'd come back out to the road, the beast right behind me as I burst from the forest over the fence. A big ol' bus happened to be headed down the road right there, and I whirled about and with a flick of the wand tossed the minotaur onto the road, right in front of the bus. (Collateral damage man, activate!) The Minotaur didn't survive, and everyone cheered for me despite the fact I'd just endangered all the bus' passengers needlessly.
Then I woke up, stopped Andrew WK from singing about parties, and sighed. Days at the office always seem longer after those dreams...
I was like "Ummm...............................................k" as were my family members, who had just magically walked through a door and appeared there, they told me. The Dothraki said "I'm sure you're wondering why we called you here" and Lucy was like "Well that's what I just said..." and they ignored her.
"We are elves, disguising ourselves while in your world as people constantly cosplaying Dothraki. Everyone is too busy looking at our costumes to notice our faces, pointy ears, or impeccable complexions." I asked "Why not just wear hats to cover the ears and be a panhandler, nobody looks them in the eye" and they temporarily appeared chagrined that they'd not thought of that.
After regaining their composure, they said "We have historically been in charge of caring for three important artifacts, and have come to the realization that we are no longer sufficient. However, you three show potential far beyond that of normal humanity, and we are going to bequeath you with the responsibility, the privilege, of guarding the artifacts of Alfenheim."
They handed over gold trimmed dark wood knitting needles to my mother, telling her "with these, you can knit changes into the fabric of reality. Their power is great, but of all the artifacts they take the most skill to unlock." My mother concentrated, pulling at the air into the needles as they glowed, and the forest around us warped for a moment, the dead leaves we stood on turning into soft green grass.
Next, they handed Lucy a lute; as soon as it was in her hand, it turned to a guitar that looked like it had been made from a particularly gnarly tree trunk, then polished and (again) inlaid with gold. "This instrument shapes itself to befit the wielder, and gives you power over the minds of men. Armies have killed and died for the wielder of this instrument. Of all the artifacts, this is the most sought after, for its obvious benefits to kings and beggars alike."
They turned to me, and handed me a wand, a foot and a half long and obviously made from a branch from the same wood as the needles/guitar, with a golden spiral up it. "This wand will grant you great magical combat skills. Its limits are defined only by what your will and belief. Of all the artifacts, this is perhaps the most dangerous, as it is fueled by the life force of the deadliest foe the elves ever had to conquer. If it falls into the wrong hands, the other artifacts are as good as gone." I looked around, saw a large rock, and with a flick of the wrist and slight mental exertion I threw the rock high into the air.
We all thanked the elves profusely for their trust in us, and swore to protect our artifacts and use them only to make the world a better place. I got a call on my cellphone then, and I answered it curiously; it turned out to be a government agent who worked for their "S.P.R.A" (Supernatural and Paranormal Relations Agency), asking for an official statement from myself as one of the new Warriors of Alfenheim. I said, "Sir, I've always sort of thought that there was was more to this world than met the eye. I'd walk down a dark alley and expect to see a dragon, I'd peer in the shadows of an undisturbed forest for an elf, I'd wake up in the night wondering if that was a ghost I'd heard. Today changes nothing; I always knew this existed, I'd just never encountered it. To summarize? I do believe in fairies, I do, I do!" and hung up.
The elves nodded their approval of my speech, and said "Oh, and one more thing. As Warriors of Alfenheim, you will need to be able to travel more easily. Your vehicles have always had greater potential; with your artifacts, they can now assume their true forms. The Dragon King and Kraken await your call." Lucy was all "but...I don't have a car " and the elves just sort of grinned. "Your mount will come, and I guarantee you it will be to your liking."
Suddenly, from off scene, a large black minotaur burst into the forest! It bellowed its challenge to the sky, and I gripped my wand tighter as I charged at it. It snorted and ran at me, everyone getting out of the way as we charged to close the 50 feet between us. I called upon the wands power, muscles bulging as I suddenly bulked up right before impact, leaping to uppercut the minotaur and knocking it flat on its back. It was down but not out, and got to its feet shaking its head a little before coming back at me. (bro.)
Testing the wand, I used it to grant me speed, dashing back through the woods the way I'd come back out to the road, the beast right behind me as I burst from the forest over the fence. A big ol' bus happened to be headed down the road right there, and I whirled about and with a flick of the wand tossed the minotaur onto the road, right in front of the bus. (Collateral damage man, activate!) The Minotaur didn't survive, and everyone cheered for me despite the fact I'd just endangered all the bus' passengers needlessly.
Then I woke up, stopped Andrew WK from singing about parties, and sighed. Days at the office always seem longer after those dreams...
